Both of my kids walked before they were 9 months old, so of course like any mother I readily determined ….they were geniuses….years later I was to learn that crawling, which they did not do, was an integral part of development. So….we have my first born who was an absolute angel and of course, life is always about balance so 4 years later I delivered her counterpoint…..
It wasn’t that we weren’t attentive parents it was that Jay was like the speed of light so much so I think he exhausted his guardian angels and God himself on a daily basis.
If speed dial was available back then poison control would have been on it, however, it was written in red and stapled to the board which hung above the phone.
My catchphrase was and it continued throughout his lifetime….”Whatcha doing Jay????”
It would take me not more than 20 steps to get to the kitchen from my bedroom….Jay had a hold of my pants as I left the bedroom and I didn’t notice he wasn’t holding on any longer….just like that he came bounding around the corner with arms raised and I could smell my perfume ….
You drank it….”What Is Wrong With You Child?” I ran to the bedroom grabbed the bottle and of course, it was empty, almost a full bottle….now empty. Yes, of course I pondered how the hell did he get it opened, trying to figure that out was not an option….. fingers hitting the keys on the phone and the dulcet voice on the other end….Poison Control how can I help you? Hey, it’s Linda….how ya doing today…hey Linda what’s he drank today….my perfume…really….was it expensive….of course I was hoping it would be an option to make him sweat and rub him all over me so as not to waste all of it???? Not a good idea, Linda it has alcohol in it can go to the lungs…serious stuff…
Ok, here is the plan…we don’t want him to throw it up so this is what you do….as she was laying out the plan of attack I was thinking….”How many calls do you get before they either send Child Services and or the police”? Am I gonna go to jail?
I am telling you truthfully I called so many times I was on their Christmas list….some of us exchanged recipes for the holidays. I knew their children and their birthdays….daily I questioned whether I should have ever been a mother….a day without a call from me….they called me to see if I was OK !!!!
Crisis averted once again and I will tell you this very important fact…..It doesn’t matter how expensive the perfume is, how many compliments you get when you wear it …. it does not come out the same way…..the dog wouldn’t come into the nursery….his dad grabbed Jenny halfway down the hallway and ran to the garage….I was gagging and my eyes were watering and all the while….he laid there twirling my hair in his tiny fingers with a big ole grin ….. as I was pondering if only I had….had a headache that night!!!!
The diaper, the sheet, the wipes, the washcloth, and his clothes were tied tightly in a plastic bag and driven to an undisclosed location as I aired out the house and lit incense.
It wasn’t two weeks later on a bright sunny Saturday afternoon as I lay by the pool listening to the spit on the barbeque go round and round….I heard screaming from the garage….
I didn’t ask I just didn’t waste any time I headed for the phone dialing poison control. Yep Jay and his dad were changing the oil in the van. Bill took the used oil and put it on the shelf as he finished up underneath the van. We both stopped asking awhile back the How and Why of whatever Jay was doing….it was such a waste of time.
This time when I called a got a newbie….I had to actually give her my full name…Hey Linda Freeman here I have a year-old who I think just drank used motor oil….and that is as far as I got with her….Maam … let me interrupt you for a moment, your name is on the board just in case you called….so here is the plan, you ready….????
Of all the places my name could be displayed….it was on the board at poison control …. my God he just turned one….they are gonna start to do feature stories on me and my family….Oh My God !!!!
The interesting fact some of you may want to note….when this one decided to exit the body it quietly slid out and down both legs and covered everything he was standing on….luckily we had learned from past experience and we just hosed him down and let’s just say I woke up the next morning with a hangover….
Let’s share Jay and the Cop….
Jay was about seven and we had worked our way out of Poison Control finally….I am now a single mom of two busy building my business to take care of my kids.
It’s a bright sunny summer day and the neighborhood boys came around to play. Off they went on their bikes for a fun filled day….however…..it was Poison Control again with a slight twist.
The doorbell rings and as I rounded the corner of the hallway I see standing on the porch 2 cops, of course, my heart sank and I hesitantly opened the door thinking the worst…..
One cop was standing a little off to the side trying his best not to laugh….(I think they flipped a coin as to who was going to give me the news….who could hold it together the best)
The one who apparently lost started his conversation with….Hi ma’am are you Mrs. Freeman, I replied …. maybe….well there has been an incident involving your son and apparently his friends. They decided to toss the chairs and tables into the pool at the apartment complex and the manager called us. We rounded them up and dropped the other boys off at their homes with a stern warning. However, it seems we may have a problem doing this with your son.
Seriously, why? Well ma’am he is requesting vehemently that we just take him to jail and he is refusing to get out of the car.
(Side note….I am still 5’1/2″ tall I am no longer 95 lbs. my son at 7 almost cleared my throat area so he was almost as tall as I was…)
So officer can you just get him out at gunpoint??? No ma’am actually we can’t, now the other officer is cracking up and actually, both of them are having a good time with this. I on the other hand am not!!!!
Jay finally emerges from the back seat of the cruiser with the help of one officer as the other one took his bike out of the trunk. As Jay passed me in the doorway he looked up and said….”I know where the belt is I will get it down.”
Apparently, Jay and the officers had an in-depth conversation while he was in their company….while they were driving him home the one officer was telling the other one how much trouble he was having rewiring these two plugs, and Jay was explaining in great detail what he needed to do to fix his plug problem. (This will be explained in another story)
Later that evening Jay said….you know they were pretty nice guys, I really liked them…..I wouldn’t mind having them as friends.
Well, his wish became true a week later when the one officer (who was not married) just stopped by to see how Jay was doing and to make sure his father wasn’t too rough on him, as I explained I was a single mom….long story short…..we dated for about 6 months.
I have great respect for police officers as I do teachers…..however, wow do they know how to party on their time off, and by this time I was not a party girl any longer.
Next month, a couple more stories to hopefully get you laughing and I will never feel like it was at my expense.
Jay was a handful full however it’s a handful that I truly miss.